I had a first grader come in with a little sore in her R ear. Of course, she's digging around in there making it bleed. The first thing I said, "Seriously? You're picking at it, of COURSE it's bleeding!" went in one ear and out the other... figuratively speaking (as her finger was blocking the way). She pulls her finger out and then immediately puts it back in. This goes on for a few rounds. It's like there's a rare earth magnet in her head instead of a brain.
Me: Really. Do you see what you're doing right now? You just stuck your finger right back in your ear!! What did I JUST say??
Peanut: I have a sore in my ear. Right here. You see? It's bleeding... right.... HERE [sticks finger back in ear]!
Me: [I'm pretty sure she's not doing this just to push me over the edge] Go wash your hands. I'm putting a bandaid in there just so you won't touch.
[she's watching me open the bandaid]
Peanut: .... You're funny.
Me: [trying not to be funny] You think it's funny when I'm mad and bossy?
Peanut: ... well.... It's only because you don't really mean it.
Well folks, I've been found out. Or more likely, she's the reason I get about 800 visits a day from her classroom. I think she's ratting me out to her buddies. Maybe I need to get a little, oh, I dunno. Meaner? Madder? Bossier? Sneakier? I could move my office into the storage closet and force the teachers to bring the kids blindfolded. Too much?
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Another tooth for that Fairy Dude...
One of the new 2nd graders came to see me yesterday about a loose tooth. Literally, to show me that her tooth was loose. She's cute as a bug and so excited, so I tell her that it's not long now, and probably she'll lose her tooth at lunch.
At around 230 that same day, she comes running in with a huge toothless grin, "My tooth fell out! Now can I have a tooth necklace (I told you, still all the rage!)?? It was all loose and twisting but it wouldn't come out and I was too scared so my two friends held me down ANDTHENTHEYPULLEDITOUTFORME!!!"
Kids still do this? I can't remember ever having the balls to let a friend rip a tooth out. That being said, my parents might be able to jog my memory. Anyhoo, no harm no foul. She's the proud new owner of a regulation sized, official school RN white tooth case with blue necklace option.
At around 230 that same day, she comes running in with a huge toothless grin, "My tooth fell out! Now can I have a tooth necklace (I told you, still all the rage!)?? It was all loose and twisting but it wouldn't come out and I was too scared so my two friends held me down ANDTHENTHEYPULLEDITOUTFORME!!!"
Kids still do this? I can't remember ever having the balls to let a friend rip a tooth out. That being said, my parents might be able to jog my memory. Anyhoo, no harm no foul. She's the proud new owner of a regulation sized, official school RN white tooth case with blue necklace option.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
The Daily Dose: Part Deux
3. Finally, I thought to pour the medicine into a plastic spoon and add a little choc. Milk to that. Then he only takes one swallow and is guaranteed to get the entire dose... right?! Well, except when he doesn't. I'm not even sure how this happened, but the 2nd day we tried this, he STILL managed to evade the entire dose on the first swallow. I'm about out of ideas.
This morning, he didn't show. I found him wandering the hall and called him over:
Gagsy: "Hi. I didn't come for my medicine because my chocolate milk is frozen."
Me: "Oh, bummer. Well, I guess we'll have to use water with it in the spoon!"
Gagsy: "I don't drink water." [rolls his eyes]
Me: "Do they have juice in the room?" [grinding my teeth]
Gagsy: "I don't like juice."
REALLY?!?!?
Of course, I can hear FS just LOVING this conversation, as Gagsy is her favorite 3rd grader. I have to admit that I would probably think all of this was hilarious if I wasn't the one pulling teeth every morning. Wait. I haven't tried pulling teeth yet... ;-)
This morning, he didn't show. I found him wandering the hall and called him over:
Gagsy: "Hi. I didn't come for my medicine because my chocolate milk is frozen."
Me: "Oh, bummer. Well, I guess we'll have to use water with it in the spoon!"
Gagsy: "I don't drink water." [rolls his eyes]
Me: "Do they have juice in the room?" [grinding my teeth]
Gagsy: "I don't like juice."
REALLY?!?!?
Of course, I can hear FS just LOVING this conversation, as Gagsy is her favorite 3rd grader. I have to admit that I would probably think all of this was hilarious if I wasn't the one pulling teeth every morning. Wait. I haven't tried pulling teeth yet... ;-)
Monday, January 24, 2011
The Daily Dose: Part 1
I have an ongoing feud with one of my 3rd graders. Every morning I trick, cajole, threaten and force him to take his medicine. Every morning he tricks, squirms, bargains, and gags his way out of this same medicine.
I think I've finally gotten this under control but not without the following scenarios (most of which have occurred more than once):
1. Try to make him swallow the capsule. Have him place capsule on back of tongue and drink water. Standard form of medication administration. Totally useless as it involves approximately 30min of attempts, and results in water on floor, back of sink, trash can and student. Also wasted: at least one extra dose of medicine that has been mostly dissolved and spit all over floor, trash, and student.
Variation: bring classroom teacher in to attempt to "scare" student straight. Results: very similar but makes teacher understand that I'm not "doing it wrong".
Verdict: failed, but preferable to first scenario.
Eventually it became crystal clear that I was not going to get him to swallow the stupid medicine. Some people are unable to swallow pills their entire life. To save myself the frustration, I've put Gagsy in this category. That makes it acceptable for me to cave and allow him the chocolate milk without considering it a reward for bad behavior. :)
2. Empty capsule into chocolate milk brought by student.
Result: he spends almost 10 minutes a morning pinching his nose, dramatically taking very small sips of the chocolate milk and notifying me of every single ball (there's an incredibly small volume of little teeny beads- think of the white ones on those yummy mint candies from Hillshire farms) that gets "stuck in his throat" or accidentally chewed.
Unintended Variation: If someone else is in the room, fuggeddaboudit. He spends more time performing than sipping. I've tried bribes and threats to make this process faster, with absolutely no luck. I consider it "lucky" if he doesn't gag and spit onto my office floor.
The Test: The morning after a particularly trying day, I decided to prove to him that the chocolate milk tasted fine with medicine in it. While he was watching, I poured some milk in the cup, and pretended to sprinkle his medicine in. I then swirled it around and handed it over. He took a sip, and stood there for awhile with his mouth full and his head down. I was sweating it a little because it would blow up in my face if he could actually tell it wasn't medicated. But sure enough, he looks up (to make sure I'm watching), gags a little, then forces it down.
Me: [jumping up and down] "Ah ha! I got you. I know for sure that you're faking when you pretend that it's so gross. There isn't even any medicine in there. You can't taste when it IS in there because then you would know when it was missing. Now you HAVE to take it fast! HA! HAHAHA!!"
Gagsy: [pauses for a moment, considering my outburst.] Says, "That was a pretty good trick."
Of course, my gloating lasted about 5 more seconds before he resumed his gagging/spitting/sipping/
I think I've finally gotten this under control but not without the following scenarios (most of which have occurred more than once):
1. Try to make him swallow the capsule. Have him place capsule on back of tongue and drink water. Standard form of medication administration. Totally useless as it involves approximately 30min of attempts, and results in water on floor, back of sink, trash can and student. Also wasted: at least one extra dose of medicine that has been mostly dissolved and spit all over floor, trash, and student.
Variation: bring classroom teacher in to attempt to "scare" student straight. Results: very similar but makes teacher understand that I'm not "doing it wrong".
Verdict: failed, but preferable to first scenario.
Eventually it became crystal clear that I was not going to get him to swallow the stupid medicine. Some people are unable to swallow pills their entire life. To save myself the frustration, I've put Gagsy in this category. That makes it acceptable for me to cave and allow him the chocolate milk without considering it a reward for bad behavior. :)
2. Empty capsule into chocolate milk brought by student.
Result: he spends almost 10 minutes a morning pinching his nose, dramatically taking very small sips of the chocolate milk and notifying me of every single ball (there's an incredibly small volume of little teeny beads- think of the white ones on those yummy mint candies from Hillshire farms) that gets "stuck in his throat" or accidentally chewed.
Unintended Variation: If someone else is in the room, fuggeddaboudit. He spends more time performing than sipping. I've tried bribes and threats to make this process faster, with absolutely no luck. I consider it "lucky" if he doesn't gag and spit onto my office floor.
The Test: The morning after a particularly trying day, I decided to prove to him that the chocolate milk tasted fine with medicine in it. While he was watching, I poured some milk in the cup, and pretended to sprinkle his medicine in. I then swirled it around and handed it over. He took a sip, and stood there for awhile with his mouth full and his head down. I was sweating it a little because it would blow up in my face if he could actually tell it wasn't medicated. But sure enough, he looks up (to make sure I'm watching), gags a little, then forces it down.
Me: [jumping up and down] "Ah ha! I got you. I know for sure that you're faking when you pretend that it's so gross. There isn't even any medicine in there. You can't taste when it IS in there because then you would know when it was missing. Now you HAVE to take it fast! HA! HAHAHA!!"
Gagsy: [pauses for a moment, considering my outburst.] Says, "That was a pretty good trick."
Of course, my gloating lasted about 5 more seconds before he resumed his gagging/spitting/sipping/
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Kids are Yuck.
50% of visit made to my office on Friday came from one class. Ms Bliss can't help that her kids are, well, nevermind. Let's just say that it's not her fault. As I was walking up towards the cafeteria with a kiddo to go look at her partially digested lunch (my Mac and cheese sitting lonely but not forgotten in the microwave), I hear FS telling a parent, "The nurse will be right back. She's just going to look at some throw up." So funny!
Also Friday, I was told by a 4th grade teacher that two little girls came up to her with a tooth, asking to go to the nurse for a plastic tooth container necklace that is apparently all the rage.
Thing is, the tooth didn't belong to either one of them. My favorite 4th grader decided to be generous and let them borrow the avulsed tissue specimen. What a prince.
Also Friday, I was told by a 4th grade teacher that two little girls came up to her with a tooth, asking to go to the nurse for a plastic tooth container necklace that is apparently all the rage.
Thing is, the tooth didn't belong to either one of them. My favorite 4th grader decided to be generous and let them borrow the avulsed tissue specimen. What a prince.
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Friday, January 14, 2011
Creative Writing
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Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Time ain't nothin' but a number
A little boy and his brother were waiting for their ride after school. Thing 1 peeks into FS's office through the little window cut in the glass. I lean over to hear what he's saying:
Thing 1: Um, excuse me. My uncle is supposed to pick us up. Um, what time is it?
Me: It's 10 minutes til 2. 1:50.
Thing 1: Is that after 5:02?
Me: Nope, but 5:02 isn't for over 3hours. [at this point I'm trying not to laugh, and FS is starting to worry that it might be a looong day at the office if she can't get a taker for Thing 1 and Thing 2.] Do you think maybe he said 2:05?
Thing 1: Well, maybe. So how many minutes til 5:02?
Me: 0_o ... Nvmnd.
Thing 1: Um, excuse me. My uncle is supposed to pick us up. Um, what time is it?
Me: It's 10 minutes til 2. 1:50.
Thing 1: Is that after 5:02?
Me: Nope, but 5:02 isn't for over 3hours. [at this point I'm trying not to laugh, and FS is starting to worry that it might be a looong day at the office if she can't get a taker for Thing 1 and Thing 2.] Do you think maybe he said 2:05?
Thing 1: Well, maybe. So how many minutes til 5:02?
Me: 0_o ... Nvmnd.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Wheezy Ponders Presidents' Day
Same kid with the "bless-shoes" came in today for his inhaler. He sees Mr. Bones up on the bulletin board...
Wheezy: "What's George Lincoln doing up there??!" (I'll post pics of my rockin' new bulletin board tomorrow)
Me: Well, this is George Washington and that's Abraham Lincoln. They both used to be Presidents.
Wheezy: So why are they up there?
Me: Presidents' Day is coming up. It's a day we picked to celebrate their birthdays!
Wheezy: Hmm. Well it's a good thing we don't have to buy a birthday cake and candles and a present for them cause they're already dead! They're dead already. Right?
Wheezy: "What's George Lincoln doing up there??!" (I'll post pics of my rockin' new bulletin board tomorrow)
Me: Well, this is George Washington and that's Abraham Lincoln. They both used to be Presidents.
Wheezy: So why are they up there?
Me: Presidents' Day is coming up. It's a day we picked to celebrate their birthdays!
Wheezy: Hmm. Well it's a good thing we don't have to buy a birthday cake and candles and a present for them cause they're already dead! They're dead already. Right?
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Bless-shoe to you too!
A kid comes in for his pre-PE inhaler. Between puffs he says, "You probly noticed that I sound funny when I talk, it's because I have to breathe only through my nose because when I was sleeping with my mom last night I bless-shoed too many times." Incredulous me says, "you sneezed?" His response: "yes. I bless-shoed 10 times."
Not 11, but 10 bless-shoes in one night. No WONDER he needs to breath only through his nose...... ?!
Also: "I'm about to have a baby cousin! I think it's going to be a boy or a girl! " Well I would hope so... :D
Not 11, but 10 bless-shoes in one night. No WONDER he needs to breath only through his nose...... ?!
Also: "I'm about to have a baby cousin! I think it's going to be a boy or a girl! " Well I would hope so... :D
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Wednesday, January 5, 2011
3rd Quarter Mish-Mash
Well, it's been a heck of a week so far. I opened my email (for the first time in exactly 17days) to find that FS (Favorite Secretary) has begun the countdown to spring break. 53 working days. Deep breath. That's a long time to go, but I think we can do it.
I only had to bust into the super-secret favorite chocolate stash twice in the past 3 days. All the good candy hides in there. Only to be used in emergencies:
Like when I realized that the vision machine I drove TWICE to central office to pick up (once for the elusive power cord) wasn't working after I charged it all night long so I could have a super duper productive day of screening. I didn't know it wasn't working until I brought the first 5th grader in- he's a quiet, nice kid who waited patiently while I fumbled with the battery. I told him I was sorry he was stuck here with me (instead of in the classroom learning something) while I tried to figure the machine out. He shrugged and said, "It's okay. I don't want to learn anything." Big smile. Turd.
Turns out the battery was in backwards. o_0
We had another kid who came to the office to eat his lunch- this happens when they get in trouble in the lunchroom- he came up to favorite secretary and told her he was allergic to dairy and couldn't drink his milk. He required a different beverage. FS came to me and we looked in his record. It wasn't listed in his allergies, but it's not uncommon for parents to skip over such minuscule details of their kids lives. When the mom came in later, FS told her she needed to update the medical forms to reflect the allergy. The mom almost falls over laughing. Apparently he pulled one over on us. Gotta give him a point for that.
I also learned that it is impossible to eat 6 saltine crackers in 60seconds without a drink. I had heard it before but it wasn't until cracker #4 was coughed across my office by FS's lovely and hilarious daughter did I believe it. No really, you need to try this. Let me know how it goes. =D
I only had to bust into the super-secret favorite chocolate stash twice in the past 3 days. All the good candy hides in there. Only to be used in emergencies:
Like when I realized that the vision machine I drove TWICE to central office to pick up (once for the elusive power cord) wasn't working after I charged it all night long so I could have a super duper productive day of screening. I didn't know it wasn't working until I brought the first 5th grader in- he's a quiet, nice kid who waited patiently while I fumbled with the battery. I told him I was sorry he was stuck here with me (instead of in the classroom learning something) while I tried to figure the machine out. He shrugged and said, "It's okay. I don't want to learn anything." Big smile. Turd.
Turns out the battery was in backwards. o_0
We had another kid who came to the office to eat his lunch- this happens when they get in trouble in the lunchroom- he came up to favorite secretary and told her he was allergic to dairy and couldn't drink his milk. He required a different beverage. FS came to me and we looked in his record. It wasn't listed in his allergies, but it's not uncommon for parents to skip over such minuscule details of their kids lives. When the mom came in later, FS told her she needed to update the medical forms to reflect the allergy. The mom almost falls over laughing. Apparently he pulled one over on us. Gotta give him a point for that.
I also learned that it is impossible to eat 6 saltine crackers in 60seconds without a drink. I had heard it before but it wasn't until cracker #4 was coughed across my office by FS's lovely and hilarious daughter did I believe it. No really, you need to try this. Let me know how it goes. =D
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